requested by carryonbucky
How we beat the heat in Australia. Ice cold can on a warm belly.
my life became 600% better when i started acting like a self obsessed piece of shit like 10/10 would recommend
even if u don’t actually genuinely love yourself its fuckin fun to act like you think you’re the human embodiment of perfection go on try it life’s too short to not fall in love with yourself
Literally me when I hurt people
oh god oh god oh god im so sorry is it here did i hurt you here oh god im so sorry friend
OMG AT THE END WHEN HE JUST SCOOPS THE CAT’S HEAD TO HIS CHEST. FUCK.
I will reblog this until the day I die
I wish they could be domesticated
This is too precious.
when someone does something you specifically told them not to do
My mom teaches Kindergarten and I went to her classroom a few days ago and saw what appeared to be a small shrine dedicated to Jodie Foster in the corner of the room and I had literally no idea why it was there, so I asked my mom about it and she said it’s where the kids can go to tattle on each other so they don’t always do it to her
So basically my mom tells her little Kindergarteners to tell on each other to a magazine clipping of Jodie Foster that they call Miss Tattle and if you don’t think that’s the funniest thing then get out of my face
OMG, I can’t.
Oh man yeah this is a super common thing, we have one of these in my preschool room, too, except ours is a picture of Obama. When the kids are upset or angry or want to tattle or whatever they “Go tell the President” and its my favorite thing.
GO TELL THE PRESIDENT
when rape is the girls fault
- when she is the rapist
when rape is the guys fault
- when he is the rapist
OK SO IN ENGLAND THIS IS WHAT A RUBBER IS
AND SOMEONE ON MY DASH JUST MENTIONED PUTTING A ‘RUBBER’ ON YOUR PENIS AND
I GOT REALLY REALLY CONFUSED
THIS IS WHAT WE CALL A RUBBER IN AUSTRALIA TOO. WE FEEL YOUR PAIN.
SAME WITH NEW ZEALAND.
We don’t have those in America because we don’t make mistakes.
THAT WAS ONE TIME
HE WAS ELECTED TWICE.
what if instead of gender we all had pokemon types
IHust wiOke upmy whol hOUSSe
I’m telling this story again b/c fuck it but anyways I was playing D&D and one of my friends went “brown bear brown bear what do you see” and on cue three of us turn to him and like, death metal screech “ALLLL”.
The dude goes completely pale faced. I saw true horror in his eyes.
He didn’t know the joke.
So apparently dude just had three of his best friends demonically screech at him for no goddamn reason.
I do not think I will ever cause that level of sheer terror and confusion ever again in my life.